For my birthday, we decided to cash in on some free offerings from a restaurant here in Portland. Todai Restaurant is a chain that is truly global, with locations in the US, China, and Korea. We had heard from some good friends that, aside from the free meal on your birthday, the restaurant is actually pretty good. So we went to the mall (yeah, it’s at the downtown mall) and sat down for my free birthday lunch.

Upon walking in, the first thing that struck me was the atmosphere of the place. Other than the fact that it’s in a mall, it reminded me of a restaurant we have back in Oklahoma called the Golden Corral. A buffet-style restaurant with different stations serving assorted grub. Only, instead of fried chicken and macaroni and cheese, Todai serves sushi and hot Asian cuisine, buffet-style. For one price, you get all-you-can eat Fatty Tuna rolls and General Tso’s chicken.

Deciding to start with the “cold” buffet line, I filled my plate with about 5 pieces of questionable-looking sushi and some cucumber salad and headed for the table. After one bite from the “crunchy tempura roll” which wasn’t at all crunchy, my gag reflex was activated. Ever eaten soggy sushi? I was able to choke down 2 other pieces (awful, even drowned in soy sauce and wasabi), then it was off to the “hot” food line. My thinking was that the hot food would be better due to the fact that it was under heat lamps and in sauces that might just require a small stir to re-activate it’s freshness. Wrong. The lo mein tasted like lemon pledge, the goyoza was slippery and dry at the same time, and the Orange chicken, well, hurt my teeth.

Here is the problem with buffet-style restaurants; convenience replaces quality. A trough of food lies before you, either under heat lamps or on ice, and hordes of people pass by, cough on, and pick up and closely inspect then replace your eventual meal choice. Further, it’s difficult to say how long that dumpling or (more importantly) that yellowtail sashimi has been sitting there, waiting for you to pick it up and scurry back to your table to chew it up and ingest it. A small stir might be okay for lo mein, but sushi that’s been sitting for more than 10 minutes is definitely not okay by me.

Stomachs aching and taste buds confused, we were ready to leave, but alas, Diana suggested that we had better hit the dessert station before scramming. We owed it to ourselves to round out the “meal” we just endured with some sweets. Here is where the similarities between Todai and the Golden Corral were just downright scary. Desserts. What is it with buffet restaurants and the vast array of small portion cakes, cookies, jello, and the ever-present soft-serve ice cream machine? I thought Todai might differ because of it’s “Eastern” cuisine, but no, this place just couldn’t figure out what it was or who it was catering to.

wideshot studios gives Todai a 4 on the Wong-Baker Faces Pain Rating Scale: